Motherhood

* This was written a while ago and I am just now getting a chance to post it*

Yesterday I embarked on a new adventure. I use the word adventure loosely in this context because I usually really enjoy adventures! Maybe I can trick my brain.

Monday, November 10th, Braeden went to his first day of daycare (see the picture to the right). And for me, I went back to work. I took the full 12 weeks of maternity leave, and let me tell you what... It is not long enough. Time went by so incredibly fast. I feel like he was just born yesterday (I know all moms say that).. But for real... it is insane.

My baby boy is growing way to fast. He is over 15lbs now, and growing like a weed. In less than a week he will officially be 3 months old. Unless you have a child already, you will never truly understand how much your life will change when they actually arrive. I feel like my heart is exploding out of my chest with love for this baby boy. Sometimes if i sit and look at him for too long, i begin to cry. He is beyond perfect. What a miracle. *Bias alert*.

So here is a random list of what has changed in the last 3 months.

Motherhood has...

-given me a new sense of patience. Babies are alot of work and sometimes things just take longer than normal.

- taught me not to judge other parents. Sometimes babies just cry, they don’t care if they are at the grocery store, restaurant, or home. It is not always the parents fault.

-made me more emotional. Yes, i know hormones are definitely more out of whack, but whatever. I see sick babies on tv or at work and sometimes i well up with tears. I cannot imagine Braeden in that situation.

-made me more cautious. I never thought I would be the over protective mother, but there are so many things that could go wrong. I just want my baby to be safe. (I’m sure it doesn’t help that this is my first baby)

-made me more appreciative. Once you become a parent, you look back on your own childhood and realize how much your own parents loved you and did for you. The title of "parent" is beyond hard work. Even just the simple act of child birth... gosh, you better run off and tell your mom "thanks". haha.

-made me love harder. Life really is fragile. So many things go wrong... people get sick or accidents happen.. It is all beyond your control. Show the ones that matter the most how much you love them.

 

The Birth (Part 1)

It is hard to believe that Braeden has been with us for almost 4 weeks. Time is flying by and I wish i could slow it down. I wanted to write a blog about the birth, mainly for me, but I have also had some people asking how everything went. I never want to forget any details, so this way I can look back in a couple years and cherish all the little memories surrounding this amazing time in our lives. 

The day before Braeden’s grand entrance:

Friday, August 15th was my due date. I was extremely uncomfortable and was ready to get the show on the road. At this point I had already been having frequent Braxton Hicks contractions for about a week or more. I decided to work up until my due date, so this friday was my last day at work.  I had been trying pretty much every superstitious suggestion that is supposed to get labor progressing including, lots of walking, a little bump and grind ;), and eating pineapple. After work on friday, I told Dan that i wanted to try a few more ideas. We stopped and bought Primrose oil and a special pregnancy tea that contained red raspberry leaf. Dan also preformed accupressure on me that evening (check out some videos on youtube).  We were ready to get this baby out!

The next day, AUGUST 16TH:

I woke up to use the bathroom at around 5:15am. As soon as i set my feet on the ground, my water broke. It was quite the wake up for me as I was not expecting so much fluid to come gushing out. I ran to the bathroom, causing quite the mess, meanwhile screaming for Dan to wake up. There was no second guessing that my water broke… It was not the slow trickle that i was expecting haha. 

Dan was quite frantic as i was just sitting on the toilet letting amniotic fluid come out.. gross, i know, but what else are you supposed to do. I called the hospital and told them that we would be coming in. As Dan packed the last few items for his hospital bag, i hopped in the shower to freshen up… which didn't work so well because amniotic fluid just kept coming out, even when i was checked into the hospital. We stop by Mcdonalds for some breakfast because i knew that once i stepped foot in the hospital, there would be no more food for me. So yes, we took our sweet time getting to the hospital and finally checked in about an hour after my water broke.

At this point, my contractions started getting very painful. During the previous week when I was experiencing my BH contractions, i thought that those were uncomfortable, but boy was I not ready for the pain of real contractions. When they say they are painful, they are not lying. You literally can barely breath through them. 

We checked into the hospital room (which was equipped with a jacuzzi tub and everything) and I was hooked up to the fetal monitor and got my IV set up. Contractions were getting harder and closer together, and after about 3 hours, i gave in and got an epidural. I cannot even begin to explain how painful the contractions were. Before the epidural, i attempted to walk around the room and bounce on a ball, but the contractions didn't seem to hurt me as much when i was sitting in bed. Mad props to all those ladies out there that give birth the natural way. I almost felt guilty about giving into the epidural but after the medicine kicked in, I had no regrets.

The epidural itself was not painful. The hardest part was trying to stay still while they did it. My contractions were very close together at this point so when my contraction came and they were still working on placing the needle, I was trying to stay motionless. The epidural ended up only working on one side of my body. It was very strange because it switched sides 2 times. It was too late for them to try and replace it as Braeden was ready to come out. Even though the epidural only worked on half of the pain, it was definitely worth it. 

At around Noon, the midwife decided to give me pitocin to speed up the process. That definitely kicked my contractions into high gear. Two hours later i was fully dilated and effaced and was ready to push. Pushing with the epidural seemed a little more challenging that i expected. It took me about two contractions to get the feel for how to push effectively. It was the weirdest sensation pushing him out. The best way for me to explain it is if you were severely constipated and you feel like you need to have a bowel movement. Gross, I know, but it was just so much pressure down there, you literally feel like you are taking the biggest poop of your life. Thank goodness I didn’t, as i have heard most women actually do poop during the process of child birth.

I pushed for about 50 minutes. To me, it felt like i pushed for about 20 minutes. My concept of time of the entire day was very off. To me, everything went by so fast. Towards the end of pushing, i was in so much pain and beyond exhausted, I just wanted to get him out. They had to tell me to stop and wait a little bit because i think i was rushing it. 

Dan was a trooper the whole entire time. He helped hold my legs a bit, fed me ice chips, and just was such a support for me. I definitely wasn't the nicest to him haha. I was so hot that when he touched my arm, his hands were even hotter than me so i told him not to touch me at one point haha. I also yelled at him because when he went to give me a cold wet washcloth, he attempted to wipe my face with it and apparently i didn't want my makeup smeared haha. Its silly to look back on it now. There are a lot of things i would have changed though. I would have had dan video the labor… although it would have been disgusting im sure, i would have liked to at least remember the moment when he came out and was placed on me. I think next time i would maybe even hire a photographer or someone close to us to take pictures. Dan did take a few pictures but it makes me sad that we didn't get to capture both of our reactions to his grand entrance. I don’t ever want to forget how it felt when he was placed on my chest for the first time. Nothing can ever describe how it felt. It was one of the best moments of my life. Another thing i regret is when the midwife asked if i wanted to “feel his head” just moments before he came out, i said no because I just wanted to “get him out”. I wish i would have taken the second to feel it, even if it was gross. 

Braeden was born at 3:09 pm. They placed him on my chest and i was so nervous because i didn't know how to hold him. I just kept crying and saying “he’s so perfect”, over and over again. They quickly realized he wasn't crying and rushed him over to the baby heater area and did some things to him. This scared dan and i as we didn't know what was going on. They didn't even let dan cut his cord because they had to get him over there so quickly. Apparently he breathed in some amniotic fluid. They got him all fixed and cleaned up a bit and brought him back to me. What an incredible moment… laying there with a baby on your chest, realizing that you made this creature with the person you love most in the world… we made this baby, and he is ours. 

Our lives were instantly changed. We became a mother and a father in that moment. There is nothing that can compare. I sit here typing this blog and I cannot help but constantly look over at my baby boy laying in his bouncer. He is such a miracle. I cannot believe we were so blessed to be his parents. Mr. Braeden Jaxon has forever changed us. This is the definition of LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT.

Ready or Not, Braeden is coming... SOON.

We officially have 2 weeks left before D-day... give or take a week.  The scariest part for me is not knowing exactly when it will happen. I have always loved the anticipation before receiving gifts but this time it is alittle different. There are so many things that we will be surprised with. Obviously we know we are having a boy ( that would be a disaster if it ended up being a girl haha)... but we don't know when he is coming, how big he will be, if he will be healthy, what he will look like, or if labor will go according to plan. All of those variables have left me wondering and a bit anxious.

I have been trying to keep myself busy so i dont' panic, but its so weird that in just 2 short weeks, our life will FOREVER be different. It is scary to think about how much will change. I hope we are ready for it.  Either way, he is coming!

Ever since i was little, i wanted to be a mom. I loved playing dolls, loved taking care of my sister when she was born (she is seven years younger than me), and loved babysitting.  Even in college, i was always the "Momma" of the house. Whenever we would go to parties, I would make sure everyone had everything, went to the bathroom, and kept all of the purses.  I just loved making sure everyone was happy and safe. When I first met Dan, he asked me what i wanted to "be when i grow up" kind of.... At the time, i was halfway through college, and Im pretty sure my response was "a mom". Im sure that sounds weird, especially when first meeting someone, but it was the honest truth. I have always just wanted to be a mom.

But now the time is actually here. I am about to be a MOM. I am honestly scared out of my mind. Don't get me wrong, I have also never been more excited in my entire life, but its hard not knowing all the variables. How will Braeden's life be? Will we raise him right? What if i mess up?

All of these insecurities rush into my head. When the time is here, i am hoping and praying that everything will come natural. I already find myself praying for him... for his health, safety, wisdom, and happiness. All i really can do is love him and Im sure everything will fall into place.

Ready or Not, its almost time. We cant wait to meet him...  I have been waiting for him my whole  entire life. 

Here is a sneak peak at my hospital bag!

 Toiletries:

I'm sure i wont get to use the majority of it, but I figured i wanted to just in case.

-toothbrush, floss, mouthwash, dental floss

-olay face wipes

-contacts, solution, and case

-deodorant and perfume

-shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and lotion

-heavy pads and nipple cream
-comb, extra rubberband, headband, and claw
-also, breast pads are packed but not pictured

Makeup bag:

 with the bare minimums!

Clothing:

-Thin bathrobe ( incase i want to cover up when visitors come in)

-lightweight pj's

-nursing bra and granny panties

-2 pairs of fuzzy socks (non slip)

-Going home comfy maxi dress

Baby Items:

So i have heard that my hospital sends you hope with tons of products including diapers, wipes, and lots of other goodies. Here is what i packed for Braeden.

- a couple outfits

(real simple onesies, and then a little polo and shorts)

-mits and paci

-light weight muslin blanket

Extras:

- A foldable, large recycleble bag (to bring home freebies and gifts)

-a small notepad and pen (for jotting down notes, gifts, etc)

-headphones

-camera and charger

-cell phone charger

Things not pictured:

Dan's bag: Change of clothes for Dan, his toiletries,  our fancy camera and charger, ipad and charger, and a Pillow.

I would love to hear if I am missing anything major. I will do another blog after the birth saying things i wish i left at home and things i wish i brought.  At least we live about a 1/4 mile from the hospital ;)

Braeden's Nursery Tour

Welcome to Braeden's Nursery tour! My cousin just posted a blog about her daughters room and I loved the idea so much that i had to copy her hehe.. Thanks Nichole! Since all of my friends and family are so far away I thought it would be cute to snap some pictures of what we have done so far. 

Since we were unable to paint the walls, Dan and I decided to add some color by doing a few craft projects. Dan actually helped me paint these letters for above his crib. It turned out well, minus the freehand pokadots on the "A".. but I love it regardless because "Daddy" put all his love into it. 

We decided to go with black furniture (I will explain more later). This crib we got a really good deal on. It was very easy to put together. We had a hard time deciding on a theme for the nursery but finally compromised on a baby dinosaur theme. We did not buy a standard crib set but rather just bought a few small blankets with dinosaurs on them. (the white bar will hold the mobile which is currently being worked on).

The dresser was quite the project. We decided on it because it was economical but it was quite the bit of work to put together. I am very glad we did not wait until the end of the pregnancy to put it together. It came with a million parts and even more scews, bolts, etc. At the end of the day (5 hours later), we had it finished... I must say we made quite the team on putting it together! It currently holds diapers, wipes, and a bunch of clothing that doesnt need to be hung up.

These little guys are one of the other simple projects Dan and I made. When I say easy, I mean really easy and cheap. We printed the chevon onto colored paper and then printed the dinos onto blue paper and cut them out. We just put them in simple frames I had laying around. 

This black trunk is the my reason for doing all of the furniture black. This trunk is the most sentimental piece in the nursery. It was my Grandmothers (Kane) and one of my favorite things at her house. I love it! The stuffed animals are all mine, but i figured they fit better in Braeden's room now hehe.  (oh and there is our "Mamaroo" on the left. We are very excited about that little high tech swing/bouncer. 

Here is the corner of the room with the glider. This glider was the most expensive piece of furniture in the nursery but I wanted to find something that was comfortable and cute. The yellow blanket was made by my Aunt Chrisann and I love it so much! I love the thought and love put into gifts like that. The dinosaurs on the wall are decals that we found at target that added some color to the bland wall.  

I decided to take the doors off the closet because they were bothersome to slide open. We were blessed with lots of items from our baby showers. 

and here we have my giraffe that Dan bought me this past valentines day, the sock monkey for my God mother, Diane, and the Lion Pillow from Lola Dometita. I would have loved to do a giraffe theme but we had to compromise somewhere hehe. Now all we need is our little bubsie boy to go in here! We are so excited to meet Braeden in a couple weeks!!!

​The Woes of the 3rd trimester.

The third trimester started out well. I still had the energy overflowing from the second trimester... but things gradually changed.

I am now 35 weeks pregnant and getting increasingly more uncomfortable by the minute. Braeden is a very active boy, which makes me so happy. I was concerned about not feeling him when the Dr. told me i had an anterior placenta, but this boy is quite the little ninja. I think the best part about pregnancy is feeling him squirm around and kick me.

The contractions i have on a regular basis are not enjoyable. Ive been having braxton hix contractions for quite a while now. Boy does my belly turn into a rock. It started out not hurting or even bothering me, but now i feel like every time i have a BH contraction, i have a harder time breathing and feel like i need to go pee immediately. I know they are part of preparation for birth, but they are quite uncomfortable for me.

I have also found myself getting increasingly exhausted after walking for a while. While in NYC, I decided we should walk from Serendipity to time square, which i thought wasn't a big deal, but the 1.5 mile hike was very exhausting. Needless to say, we took a cab back to the hotel at the end of the night. I still try and walk as much as possible, but the aching in my feet and back just make it a slower pace. It is not just exhaustion from walking either. I have found myself so tired, similar to that of the first trimester. The other night I actually went to sleep at 8:30 pm.

My hands have been swelling a bit when i sleep. Its weird because one morning i woke up and my knuckles hurt. From then on i noticed my fingers would swell at night. I actually started taking off my wedding rings because I am so paranoid that they will get stuck on my hand. The swelling seems to subside during the day, but i think the humidity and heat here recently have also been adding to some swelling.

My feet are still looking ok. No cankles yet! Im sure that could change in the next couple of weeks as i know most people start retaining alot of water.

I have also found myself becoming short of breath, even when just sitting in a chair. It is quite a weird sensation. I think my organs and especially my lungs are really being pushed up high. I feel like Braeden is sitting very high... hopefully he will drop soon. I hear that it is alot easier to breath once the baby drops.

And one last thing to mention. HOLY HEARTBURN. Before I was pregnant, i never once had heartburn. Throughout my pregnancy, the heartburn really kicked in... But it was nothing compared to the heartburn of the 3rd trimester. It is the most unpleasant thing ever. Even after popping tums, sometimes it still doesn't help.

All in all, the 3rd trimester has been quite the ride. Don't get me wrong, nothing is worse than the 1st trimester, but I do miss the energy i had during the 2nd. I am so excited to meet this little boy. I cannot believe he will be with us in 5 weeks! The end is in sight, and oh so worth it all.

Growing a baby is serious business!

I haven't had much time to write a blog post because I have been so busy... Busy growing this Baby bubsie. Pregnancy is not exactly what I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled about this journey, but I must be the exception to a normal pregnant woman.

Of course, you have the common side effects:
-Nausea (during the first trimester)
-Constipation (from those hard core prenatal vitamins)
-Heartburn
-Getting plump
-sore back, legs, and feet
-stretch marks

But I had the scary bleeding during the first trimester, some serious periods of headaches, and the worst pelvic pain i can describe. The pelvis does alot of moving, stretching, and separating during pregnancy.. some women have it worse than others, but in my case, it is excruciating at times. I know pregnant women complain alot. We are allowed. But Braeden is making it really hard on this mama. I know in the end it will be all worth it!

Some hints/tips/tricks for all of you non pregnant people, or newly pregnant women. Take it or leave it. No hard feelings. I am not a pro by any means.

Maternity clothes: invest in maternity clothes. Although you may be able to get away with wearing your normal pants for a while, when it gets to the point where you need to unbotton your pants, it is time to go shopping. Pants come in two styles basically. None have buttons. You can buy ones that are lower rise, with a band about a couple inches thick. These worked well early on, but i found that they would fold down, and turn very uncomfortable, especially if you sit alot during the day. They are also more noticable under your shirts. I personally like the pants that have the full belly coverage. Yes, they are weird at first,but oh so comfortable.. and have been working for me for months now. 

Bras: Maternity bras are strange contraptions...They double as breast feeding bras! Alittle too much info, but my chest got much larger during the early months. They seem to have gone down a bit, but from what i hear, once baby comes, they go back to being gigantic and painful. I experimented with alot of maternity bras, and found that i personally like the ones with no wiring at all. I found one from target that are super comfortable and cheap. I actually bought 4. I made sure that i would have some extra room for growing, so i went up in the number size, not the letter cup. Alot of the ones i tried said "no underwire", but really they all had one bar of wire on both sides that would dig into my side and hurt really bad, even when trying on bigger sizes. So try some different styles and figure out what works best for you.

Butt cushions: If you sit for long periods of time, ie a desk or in the car, and your rear end is really hurting like mine does, invest in a cushion. I have a weird one that i found at bed, bath, and beyond and it goes with me on all my car rides.

Registries: I have two registries. Yes it may be awkward to have a registry because then people think you are expecting gifts, but when people are throwing you multiple baby showers, and they plan on buying items regardless, it is alot nicer to be able to tell them exactly what you need. Yes, it is always awesome getting surprise items, and you should expect that to happen, but when it comes down to baby basics, it will be nicer in the end to have alot of it listed out so they can see what you have already and what you still need. We registered at Babies R US and Target. I must say, the customer service at babies-r-us has been top notch for us. They ship incredibly fast, and they take returns super easy. We actually bought two cribs, because one was back ordered and finally came in, so we returned the other one (obviously not assembled) and they were so nice about everything. I highly recommend babies-r-us. (They also give you bonuses based on how much off your registry has been purchased). So, long story short, don't be afraid to register. You don't need to tell everyone, but people will ask.

Furniture: We did alot of research about baby items. They whole realm of baby stuff is insane. There are so many products and alot of them are really different. After doing some research, we decided to invest the most in our rocker/glider chair. With my plans to nurse, this chair will come in handy. I wanted it to be comfortable, but also cozy enough that when it comes time to read bedtime stories to Braeden, the chair will be comfortable enough for a larger sized child and mama. We did not buy a furniture set, but bought a separate crib and dresser. They ended up matching perfectly because we decided on black furniture (if you had a specific color of wood, then it would be much more difficult to buy them separately without looking tacky. The crib was a piece of cake to assemble, but the dresser was much harder. We bought the dresser online from Target. Although it is great looking now, the 500 parts that came in the box unassembled were quite overwhelming. It took us 5 hours to assemble the dresser. So, be warned, it may be better to splurge on a dresser that comes assembled from a store. Regardless, the dresser and crib turned out great... We used a coupon from Babies-r-us and purchased the crib for $150 plus tax, and the dresser, although was a gift, was about $220. The chair on the other hand was about $400.. but it is not your typical looking chair, it is much more modern looking. Just do your research and check out youtube. They have great reviews from real people who actually demonstrate how the products work.

Stretch Marks: Every person is different, but i will share my experience with stretch marks. From the get go, i purchased a mass amount of stretch mark lotions and creams. I figured that if i started early, it would prevent the process. I was wrong. Just about a month ago i finally started showing signs of stretch marks on my stomach. They look like lighting bolts on both sides of my belly button. I have increased my lotion application but i think it is only getting worse. My advice, take it or leave it, don't spend tons of money on these lotions and creams. Just buy the cheaper ones because it likely wont make a difference. 

Here are some recent pictures... they really show the progression when lined up next to each other. This boy is getting big! Sorry for such a long post ;) 12 more weeks to go!

scary times

In just 3 days we will know what baby bubsie is (fingers cross it'll show us its goodies). This is a huge milestone for us because we then get to start planning everything! As of right now, all we have ever envisioned is a little bubsie in yellow. Not that i plan on converting to the pink only or blue only stereotypes, but it would at least be nice to be able to envision the future of this bundle of joy.

 

People usually say that the mother can "sense" what the baby will be, but i don't know if my hunch is right. It is certainly not what everyone else is predicting. haha. All i know is that i will be happy with either. I just want a healthy baby.

 

Most people do not know that this pregnancy has been a very scary one for us. At the beginning, i was so nervous that something would go wrong that i tried not to become too attached to the idea of having a baby.  Once i finally got over this fear and stupid notion, and became excited about our new addition,  something actually did go wrong, and it made it that much scarier.

 

Shortly after the clock struck midnight on Christmas morning in our tiny little apartment, Dan came rushing to the bathroom where i sat sobbing holding the blood-soaked toilet paper. I could not even talk as i just sat their sobbing while he tried to calm me down. We drove the half-mile to the emergency room and waited to see the fate of this baby i had become so attached to. This was the first time i got to see our baby bubsie, just merely a blob on the ultrasound. Baby was still alive and the bleeding subsided but they did find a subchorionic hemorrhage and told me this could happen again as it is unpredictable.  This was a very scary time for us. We knew bubsie was still alive inside, but the thought that this bleeding could happen again was terrifying. We went home relived and happy to celebrate our first married Christmas.

 

I know that bleeding is fairly common in pregnancies but unless this happens to you, you have no idea how scary it is. I'm sure some of you mommas reading this understand what I'm am talking about. We just kept praying for bubsie because there is really nothing else you can do. I had two additional scares with bleeding episodes but thank goodness bubsie was ok and we got to have some extra appointments just for reassurance.

 

Another scary situation that has been happening is concerning my blood work, more specifically my antibodies. One of my initial blood tests was flagged as abnormal and this instantly caused lots of questions, not just for dan and i, but also for our doctors. The antibodies that were appearing in my blood were not common and no one really knew what it all meant. I think by far that is the most frustrating part, especially when they have to tell you the worst case scenario. I am still being monitored frequently and have repeat blood work done every 3-4 weeks just to check. Hopefully at the ultrasound this week they will be able to give us more information on the antibody issue and check to see if it is affecting the babie's blood at all.

 

But there is really nothing you can do but wait and pray that baby bubsie will be healthy.

 

3 dyas! Time is flying by and we could not be more excited.